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Writer's Block: The Undead

With Halloween on the horizon, burning questions about the undead need to be answered: Can being a zombie be considered suffering?
If my brother and I are around, they won't be zombies long enough to suffer...  Armed with survival guides and shovels, we fear no corpse!

Sometimes it worries me that I have no large, blunt instruments of acceptable weight within my immediate vicinity.  I am sure I could easily improvise (the bottom of my lamp stand has rather sharp corners...  I might be able to swing it hard enough to at least sever the spinal cord), but I would rest much easier if I had a definite instrument with which I might wreak havoc.

As a new resident of my current city, another worry is that I do not fully know the terrain.  In the event of a zombie infestation, whither should I flee?  There does not seem to be a conveniently located two story mall with both a hardware store and a grocery shop...  Again, I find myself forced to improvise.

I have just realized that I do not even possess a decent torch.  I must remedy this, before it is too